The Life Coach: Resilience

Executive Coaching

By: Santi Chacon
Executive Coach

Alexandria, Alexandria, Alexandria

It started with my friends two year old, feeling a bit of fatigue. Soon Deanna came home a little frantic; Alex had a fever. We quickly ran the bathtub water, cooler than usual, to cool her down. This continued on throughout the evening; the little girl crying out to mommy, for help. Alex and I both hoping that her mom somehow had the secret to health and well being.

This went on for the entire week, jolting awake by Alex's sobs and running bath water to cool her. When Alex's fever subsided a bit, to something mom was happy with she would lay her back down to hopefully find rest.

In observing this drama unfold, I became aware that when Alex felt better in between the ups and downs of her fever, she was swept away by a cheerful state of alacrity. She asked (in only the way a two year could; mumbling) to go outside to play, she wanted to enjoy the freedom of being two; in that wonderful carefree way. She wanted to run around and to enjoy life once again; such a beautiful little soul. In my heart I knew her resilience was something we all could take note of.

Thoughts

How many of us choose to enjoy life? Or to re-awaken our freedom to live carefree right after we experience an unmet expectation a heart break, an emotional interruption or detour? How many of us stand up with great alacrity and get on with life with the enthusiasm to live the life we were meant to lead?

Would it be true to say that we fall into the temptation of wallowing in the mire of our situation? or allowing ourselves to be swept away by the mellow drama of our self-pity?

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

Viktor Frankle

When it comes down to it, it really is about how we respond to life, and our attitude along the way.

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The Life Coach: Self-Efficacy

Executive Coaching and Emotional Intelligence

By: Santi Chacon
Executive Coach

Learned Optimism

The greatest leaders believe in their followers, believe in their future, most important they believe in themselves; in their ability to empower constituents and get things done. Effective leaders teach themselves how to be optimistic, therefore they are learned optimist.

One person that exemplifies the 'optimist' is Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, who up till the day he left us, preached "The Power of Positive Thinking", belief in yourself, in God, and in your fellow man.

If we are honest with ourselves, we know what baggage we carry around, or tendency toward projections and our propensity to be mean spirited to those we love most. We are certainly aware of the broken promises and commitments of others toward us, and unfortunately we remember the unmet expectations we've suffer through, from our creator.

The longer I live life, the more I'm left to wonder about the question of: how do we get to the point of confronting our latter years in life with a promising belief in the goodness of God, ourselves and mankind? Even through our trials, unmet expectations and broken hearts, to thrive with this refreshed belief. This is truly the goal of a great leader, in a world that is so easily given to disbelief, cynicism and bitterness.

The simplicity of the matter is we only can give to others and ourselves what overflows throughout our being. We only can give out of our abundance by what has been nurtured in our emotions and beliefs. Our beliefs are not just something that are latent in us, a perception that only provides value or effect to the beholder; no, belief is something we give to those around us it permeates the minds of those in our environment and touches people in a way that is unknown to the conscious mind. Beliefs start revolutions, beliefs are the cause of life, hope, and passion.

To love our neighbor as ourselves, truly means that from the depth of self-esteem I can esteem others, that through self-love I can love others. These are given out of our personal abundance when we choose to nurture the overflow of love, esteem, and respect so it continues to pour out all around us.

The beginning of Over Flow

Self-Efficacy

If we truly want to Lead a Great Life, and desire to be the empowering leader that we are called to be it's important that we not only consider the following but, act on the principles introduced below:

1.) Action

A key to raising our self-efficacy, self-esteem or base level of happiness is through hard work and coping.

Learning to Fail

Hard work is a way we learn to fail. This may seem like a paradox but, the truth of the matter is the more failures we experience the more we experience success. Truly the most successful people in life have had the most failures. Even small successes have a way of affirming our personal value and self-worth. This is only half of the equation to raising our levels of self-esteem; the harder we work at something the more we succeed. The more we succeed the greater we feel about ourselves.

Coping

The second half of the equation is coping. The definition of coping in this context was best said by Dr. Tal Ben-shahar a professor at Harvard: "...it means getting out of our comfort zone, taking risks, daring, having high expectations and going for them, it means trying out for a play, it means approaching a person even though I’m afraid, putting ourselves out there, it’s about courage. Courage is not the absence of fear but, regardless of fear moving forward anyway, people who work hard and improve their self-efficacy raises and they belief in themselves raises." - with this said, it's when we meet those disappointments, and find the strength or personal power to carry on, that our self-worth is affirmed.

The second principle we need to visit is:

2.) Imagination

This principle contributes to the building of our belief in ourselves and denotes the concept of a self-fulfilling prophesy. It's important that we keep the end in mind, or that we envision what the future holds for us. The more vivid our imagination is in seeing our future, the faster we will get there. Our minds don't know the difference between a actual experience or a imagined experience, the same synapses fire in both occasions. In both instances of experiencing success or the imagined experience of success, our self-image and self-concept is influenced.

In order to use your imagination effectively visualization requires:

Subjective Visualization:

This defines you seeing things through your own eyes. This is most impactful to programming your autonomic system and reprogramming your self-image, there by creating positive self-esteem.

Involve your Senses:

It's important when visualizing that you involve the rest of your senses: touch, taste, auditory and olfactory.

Emotion:

The more emotion you place in your visualizations the faster it will come about. Stir up the emotions you think you would feel, if you were actually doing what you are imagining. Emotions play a striking part in re-enforcing the desire end. The more intense the emotion the more the event is re-enforced.

The third principle in this trio is:

3.) Cognitive therapy

Cognitive Therapy is just a fancy way of asking you to pay attention to your explanatory style. It's important that what ever happens whether positive or negative that you provide an interpretation or explanation to yourself that would be the most empowering.

Re-framing:

Let's say your spouse leaves you - what do you tell yourself, or you loose a job, how do you explain or represent these types of disappointments. These are more extreme cases, every day we are left to dozens of small but, significant events. If you use a positive explanatory style it will contribute to your self-image, self-esteem ultimately self-efficacy in a powerful way.

In conclusion: our self-image (or how we see our-self) is based on our interpretations of past experiences, not the actual experience. We program who we are based on memories or the interpretations thereof. So one way we can grow this self-image or to avoid self-imposed limitations, is to insert new memories, successful, triumphant memories, it will in turn build a new you; a limitless you.

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The Life Coach: That Proverbial Bus

Executive Coaching and Emotional Intelligence

By: Santi Chacon
Executive Coach

Damn it! where is the bus? it was supposed to have been here 48 minutes ago.  I am so freaking cold...I am gonna be so late.  If it doesn't come soon I will miss my...What am I suppose to do now!?  auhhhh!...Crap!

God help us if we don't come through victorious. 

We have done everything we could, prepared all we could, burned the midnight oil, planned our work and worked our plan to ensure we came home with the trophy, to make sure we came through victorious, to ensure we got there on time, to ensure we met the deadline, to ensure we had it finished with time to spare.

Freaking Crap! Oh! I forgot this is an interdependent world.

We are so focused on doing it right, that we no longer acknowledge all the connections that make our win possible i.e. the bus driver,  traffic, the internet connection, our business partners verbal agreement, our bank, our car etc.. After all we have done this a million times before. We take for granted the people and systems that make our goals possible, so when something for a moment becomes unpredictable or unreliable we feel the burn of frustration, resentment, anger, in other words stress. This emotion builds up in our chest begging for a release, a scream, a kick, or better yet a punch.  We grit our teeth and try to breathe in deeply but we find ourselves still waiting for that proverbial bus.  The worst thing is its' happening right here right now!

When It Comes Enjoy The Ride

It is out of your hands. It will happen or not happen independent of you. There is nothing that your worry can do. Decide not to be so attached to the outcome regardless of how painful. The pain will subside the more you focus on being the observer. Be tolerant; not in the way of grinning and bearing it, but become passive.  That moment of stress will come and for whatever reason it just will not work out this time.  It will happen or not independent of your will. Just take a deep breath understand you did everything you could have done and get on with your day.  You only live once and you will endure more stress, just release the situation and chant whatever will be, will be. Life is short, so have fun while you are here.

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The Life Coach: The Pursuit Of Happiness

Executive Coaching and Emotional Intelligence

By Santi Chacon

Executive Coach

Congruence And The Wonder Of It All

If we are not on the right path, unhappiness sets in. We may become restless as a result of not knowing our place in life or business. 

If after a while you notice that you are experiencing terribly slow progress in business or no progress at all; while you work long hours, this is probably not your calling or purpose. There will be tremendous joy and visible progress in the pursuit of something if it's in line with your talents.. This is only the beginning. If you don't get the beginning right, you are going to be in trouble. If you get the beginning right, it's not smooth sailing, but it's fulfilling work. Knowing your purpose is a great leap into a happy and productive life. Happy people are peak performers.

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The Life Coach: The Fundamentals

Executive Coaching and Emotional Intelligence

By: Santi Chacon

Executive Coach

3 Fundamentals

1.) Child-Development: Our brain is still developing in our childhood. But, at about puberty, it loses a lot of it's elasticity, it locks in and stores, what has been recorded and this becomes the core of our permanent identity. We can only learn to manipulate it, but the raw elements of what becomes this identity are woven into the fabric of our unconscious mind.

2.) The Formation of Our Identity: The self image is an internal mechanism. It records what we experience through our senses 24 hours a day. Through this unconscious recording, it dictates who we are, and what we should feel. So in reality we train it by exposing ourselves to thoughts (self-talk) relationships, by what we watch and listen to. From this it learns to recognize patters and then it demands from us what we have programmed it to demand.

3.) The Definition of Projections: Projections are the attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or suppositions to others: and/or the attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or desires to someone or something as a naive or unconscious defense against anxiety or guilt.

The challenge we face with this truth, is as a child we learn to accept what is given to us by authority figures. We as children are not in control of what we learn or understand as acceptable.

Now, if we came from great parents, this will help to propel us forward in life. However, if it seemed that you had a dysfunctional upbringing it’s important for you to be self-aware, of what is going on inside your self-image. This will help you to take steps to amend the errors.

Most of our adult life we are fighting against patterns rooted in our childhood. Maybe our parent’s fought all the time. Maybe, we were abused, or in foster care or maybe our parents were absent physically or emotionally.

If we don’t learn to manipulate and reframe these patterns, we will spend our entire adult lives, fighting for what we felt we lacked as a child. We will interpret our present adult experiences through the emotions of our childhood.

As a child if we are feeling abandoned or neglected by our care takers, some of the patterns we may see or experience depending on our personality and temperament could be things like: constantly seeking attention from our most intimate partner, becoming too needy, hypersensitive, never convinced our partner loves us, regardless of what he/she does in attempts to convince us otherwise, or we may become aloof and cold, to protect ourselves from feeling abandoned, or we may withdraw when feelings of intimacy arise.

Under certain triggers we will interpret our present adult experience through the emotions of our childhood. The more emotionally charged the experiences the more stained our self-image will be. For example if you were in fact abused emotionally, mentally or physically. Depending on personality and temperaments, you may become abusive yourself, you may be prone to projecting and overreacting to those closest to you. You may fight depression. And this is because: this is who yourself image says you are. What you experienced as a child, when triggered will be a constant state, as though you were reliving those moments, over and over again.

Now these are extreme cases, there are degrees of struggle; my goal was to expose you to the logic of the self image, so that you may recognize it in your own life, based on your upbringing.

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The Life Coach: The Strength Of A Decade

By: Santi Chacon
Executive Coach

As we step into a new decade that begins January first, it's easy to slip into a state of nostalgia. If we are brilliant we may soon find ourselves considering the deaths of American icons, the advances in technology, the creation of social media, and most important our own development.

An Opened Invitation

Take a moment and allow yourself to ponder the last decade the fortunes, the misfortunes, the victories, the lessons learned, the people, the lovers, the friends, and the betrayals. Consider how much you have matured and think of anything that will work to influence your next decade.

How can you make life worth while for yourself and those you love? 

The most important revelation I have experienced recently had to do with the value that long-term relationships and projects contribute to our self-image.  Those long-term events and relationships cause the most growth to the self-image have become the most valuable. The directing of self-image growth is what propels great successes or great failures. This could translate into getting a PhD, the commitment to be a vegetarian, write a blog, bringing on a professional coach, getting involved in a mentoring relationship, or getting involved in a professional network.

The greatest projects to get involved in personally or professionally are the ones that will positively influence how we grow into the person we desire to become. Look at life as a set of projects and relationships that will forge your destiny, before getting involved in a new relationship or project ask: Who Will I Become As A Consequence Of My Commitment?

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The Life Coach: Tried By Fire

By: Santi Chacon
(Executive Coach)

A concept I have come across again and again is found in the subject of economics.  The principle of supply and demand describes that goods and services will always move to those who are willing to pay a price for it. This principle ensures that the object of a given desire remains with those who desire it most. As a consequence of the unique universal laws people will be able to enjoy and consume what they have worked hard for.

As in economics, the manifestation of dreams and goals go to the person who is willing to pay the price for it. Life has been designed to give the greatest rewards to those individuals who can withstand the heat and stay focused and disciplined under enormous pressures. There are areas in our lives that will go through the judgement of these universal forces.  Each individual is in a race with time to secure an adequate foundation. It is our responsibility to pay the price for what we value most before those hopes and dreams are swept away. If we want to thrive  financially, relationally, and in our mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being, we must pay the price now! If the rare individual can build something that withstands those pressures, those fires, those trials, the darkness; then its only a matter of time until he or she sees the light of day.

Its only after the fires in life, in relationships, in finance, in business; that we will witness the real progress we have made.  After our world comes crumbling down and after the dust has settled, we can look up to see the ruins of our hopes and dreams and new hopes of a better tomorrow and the beauty of those items that withstood the fire. We can only hope at that point that we did the right things to sustain what we felt we valued most.

A Last Word:

• Learn And Value The Lessons That Were Delivered By Fire
• Value Those Items That Withstood The Flames
• Invest Yourself In Those Items That Withstood The Flames
• Consider What You Would Fight For And Fight to Keep
• Fight, Work, and Prepare Frantically For The Next Fire 

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The Life Coach: Revisiting Beginnings Again (Part 2)

By: Santi Chacon
(Executive Coach)

In our daily struggles it is sometimes hard to remember that what we admire most in our lives or in the lives of others are the products of hard work and a dream, a vision, and passion. Dreams are the seeds of greatness. Regardless of where your are in life, what successes and losses you have encountered it is always possible to dream again or to dream bigger.

Here are a Few Thoughts on Dreams, Goals, Visions, and Sustainability:

What do Your Dreams Need?

A professional who desires to make a living creating her dream should have a goal to create wealth to sustain the lifestyle she desires. A golden rule for wealth creation is to become excellent at intention, your craft (your contribution to the world), delivering that value to those who desire it most, and sustaining your effort over the next twenty or more years.

Are You Exhausting Yourself Daily?

Or

Are You More Mature Now in Your Attempts to Create a Balance 'Life Style'?

A professional that pursues long-term dreams must understand the importance of not giving into the notion of a balanced lifestyle too early in the process. Balance is only necessary after a person has reached success, which infers success should be defined. Compromise or sacrifice is needed on the way toward success. It is easy to focus on what is being done to create and to sustain dreams but the more important question is 'What is not being done that could make a great difference in our progress?' A professional posses the question to his or herself without defense and excepts responsibility.

Is your BUSINESS and LIFE what you have envisioned it to be?

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The Life Coach: Revisit Beginnings Again (Part 1)

By: Santi Chacon
(Executive Coach)

A Little Bit of Self-Reflection

Why not start from the beginning? As many other business professionals who are attempting to reach larger than life goals, I have had my share of disappointments and pain. And like many success stories I am clawing my way out, attempting to put the pieces together from shattered hopes and an agonizing loss. To say the least my year has been a constant struggle, with the forging of new skills and with the re-branding of my character. Recently, I realized I had the beginning of clarity, which came with the gift of time.

With that instant of clarity I had begun to reflect on my life as a young man; my hunger to succeed, and what I had taken for granted. I had reflected on my toil and hope. I thought about the many exciting nights of relentless work, study, and hope. I recalled the effort and preparation for those moments of opportunity.

How am I doing today? I can say my philosophy is more refined, I have a working knowledge of business and success, but am I preparing as I was as a young man? Am I hopeful while burning the midnight oil? or have I chosen balance over passion? Am I still studying as I was as a young man? Am I keeping a regimental disciplined passion? Am I all grown up now and consider zealousness childish?

What about you? Are you everything you had hoped to be?

Perhaps its time to prepare for your moment of greatness.




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